alienated alienist

today i realized something that depressed me even more,
technically i am currently a refugee
i am stuck in the land of the Cuyahoga
the land of the mindless zombies....

i have lost a little something that kept me going...
i always felt i can just say fuck this shit and leave,
go back home
but now, i have no where to go....except maybe another voluntary exile
physically and psychologically i am homeless and stateless
this must be how palestinians feel...
what if the natives decide to kick me out? I have to stay nice and polite...smile and nod...and hold doors open for people...
I cant go to lebanon now even if i wanted to now, maybe i can stay with kofi in NY...

being here now is surreal, people think you are a commie/anarchist if you try to explain why you don't go to drug rep dinners....
what if you try to explain about the downtrodden of this world, or the shame and humiliation of weakness and despair, or of people broken and destroyed and homes burned, and loves lost...you just might be a "T" word lover...

or maybe i can be happy here and they are right: eat , get fat, not worry, conform and consume, be a good zombie, read what oprah recommends to me in her book club, and marvel at how cheap things are at walmart...and tivo american idol

thank you hassan , thank you ehud for waging the proxy war for your masters and the petrodollar,
on the cheapest most disposable battlefield around, east of the Mediterranean,
The place i call home....