being a DjewZe

it can be lonely sometimes being a non Christian non Muslim Lebanese
it gets tiring explaining to the natives here what that means, and then finally because their ears are so used to it they say:
native : AH!, so you are a" JewS "!
me: No, No it is with a "D" and "Z"
in times of crisis like these; when every Lebanese becomes a political expert you feel left out.
both kinds of Lebanese are guarded in their approach, each thinking that your opinion must be closer to the other site's opinion , and keep invisible ceilings on their opinions...
some remark off handedly , almost jokingly, " you want peace because "jama3etkon" are in their army and are getting killed", but sometimes there is nothing funny in their eyes.
some are more subtle:" it was so quiet in the shouf in '82"...
little stabs at your "watanieh" when you argue a point.
but i feel as Lebanese as the best of them, and arab at heart like the rest of them. ..

I feel being free of formalized religion was liberating and made me a good Lebanese
there is no religious tides pulling me in any direction.
you can be Christian or Muslim Lebanese and be non-religious, but it is not the same , hard to explain.
The center for religion in my mind was never formed, for me to need to suppress or repress it consciously or unconsciously.
other Lebanese can be truly non religious or not care about religion; but somewhere in their psyche there is a lithe box filled with his/her religion's ideals inherited from their parents. And at some point in their life they have been in a church or mosque, if even as a social duty . So they can identify with some formal religion at some level. ( and of course there is nothing wrong at all with being religous)
Is this an advantage or disadvantage? I do not know, but I cannot help but think about it these days.
maybe I am more aware of this phenomenon now because I am the only "Djewze" here, in this forsaken land of the post industrial apocalypse?
or maybe i am just being paranoid again...