Sunday, July 30, 2006

goodbye cruel world


is this some bad cosmic joke
does God think this is funny
qana again, is this possible, another qana massacre
i still vividly remember the first one so well
it was on my birthday, i was having a haircut at mike's
when the pictures started on tv
is life as a lebanese one recurring bad dream
is there nothing else for lebanon

what makes it worse is being away
the media here, mind numbing,
constant brainwashing has managed to de humanize huge chunks of humanity in the middle east,
no one genuinely cares, about the loss of life

fox news is going to be the end of me
it is like torture, but i cant stop watching it
the news presenters are so pretty on fox
maybe they should change its name to wolf

to make things even worse there are rumblings in the lebanese blogosphere
scary rumblings from a distant past..
about tony the mechanic http://anecdotesfromabananarepublic.blogspot.com/2006/07/tony-killer-mechanic-lebanon-against.html
and the druze village forcibly preventing hizbollah from entering it
hopefully just some fear mongering http://blissstreetjournal.blogspot.com/2006/07/siege-of-mari.html
(sorry I dont know how to embed links in a nice way yet)

and why was the UN /escwa building attacked to day?
, anger does not justify senseless destruction
and now it just plays over and over on wolf news
bearded scary looking men ransacking the UN offices

I cant take this shit anymore...

being a DjewZe

it can be lonely sometimes being a non Christian non Muslim Lebanese
it gets tiring explaining to the natives here what that means, and then finally because their ears are so used to it they say:
native : AH!, so you are a" JewS "!
me: No, No it is with a "D" and "Z"
in times of crisis like these; when every Lebanese becomes a political expert you feel left out.
both kinds of Lebanese are guarded in their approach, each thinking that your opinion must be closer to the other site's opinion , and keep invisible ceilings on their opinions...
some remark off handedly , almost jokingly, " you want peace because "jama3etkon" are in their army and are getting killed", but sometimes there is nothing funny in their eyes.
some are more subtle:" it was so quiet in the shouf in '82"...
little stabs at your "watanieh" when you argue a point.
but i feel as Lebanese as the best of them, and arab at heart like the rest of them. ..

I feel being free of formalized religion was liberating and made me a good Lebanese
there is no religious tides pulling me in any direction.
you can be Christian or Muslim Lebanese and be non-religious, but it is not the same , hard to explain.
The center for religion in my mind was never formed, for me to need to suppress or repress it consciously or unconsciously.
other Lebanese can be truly non religious or not care about religion; but somewhere in their psyche there is a lithe box filled with his/her religion's ideals inherited from their parents. And at some point in their life they have been in a church or mosque, if even as a social duty . So they can identify with some formal religion at some level. ( and of course there is nothing wrong at all with being religous)
Is this an advantage or disadvantage? I do not know, but I cannot help but think about it these days.
maybe I am more aware of this phenomenon now because I am the only "Djewze" here, in this forsaken land of the post industrial apocalypse?
or maybe i am just being paranoid again...

Friday, July 28, 2006

Thursday, July 27, 2006

when playing with fire

you can burn your house down

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

leaving beirut again and again and again....


Roger Waters visited beirut when he was a young man...
he later wrote these lyrics:

So we left Beirut Willa and I.
He headed East to Baghdad and the rest of it.
I set out NorthI walked the five or six miles to the last of the street lamps.
And hunkered in the curb side dusk.
Holding out my thumb
In no great hope at the ramshackle procession of home bound traffic.
Success!
An ancient Mercedes 'dolmus 'The ubiquitous, Arab, shared taxi drew up.
I turned out my pockets and shrugged at the driver
" J'ai pas de l'argent "
" Venez! "
A soft voice from the back seat.
The driver lent wearily across and pushed open the back door
I stooped to look inside at the two men there
One besuited, bespectacled, moustached, irritated, distant, late
The other, the one who had spoken,
Frail, fifty five-ish, bald, sallow, in a short sleeved pale blue cotton shirt
With one biro in the breast pocket
A clerk maybe, slightly sunken in the seat
"Venez!" He said again, and smiled
"Mais j'ai pas de l'argent"
"Oui, Oui, d'accord, Venez!"......
(to read more) : http://www.roger-waters.com/lyricsbeirut.html

i think it is very touching a little sad, or maybe i just like pink floyd...and feel pathological nostalgia...(or this might be quite stupid, which is quite possible since I have been feeling stupid for some time now)

Monday, July 24, 2006

strategic balance of stupidity



15 cows were killed after rockets landed in a cowshed near Kiryat Shmona. Other rockets hit a building and open fields. No people were hurt in the attack. (Hagai Einav)


for a more sobering story about animals in war:(not for dog lovers)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-tank_dog

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Wish you were here


Hey big guy, how is it going...
maybe you left just in time not to see what is happening to us....
what they are doing to our Lebanon....
we hysterically squandered the gifts you gave to us in your life and death....
your bridges are kneeling, your schools empty, your airport is burning....
maybe they still feel your spirit around and want to drive it away....
whish you were here to pick up the broken pieces of a failed nation and make it all good again
to give us a smile....
and a big bear hug.
forgive us all for what we let happen, maybe we are just sheep living among the wolves of the world, or maybe we just don't know any better.
anyways wish you were here...
take care wherever you are....
because few have the misfortune of being murdered twice....

Saturday, July 22, 2006

fear and loathing


I woke up today with a strange feeling
slowly bubbling to the surface, then I realized...
I feel ANGER....
I feel angry at the world
angry at religious fanatics
angry at self righteous fools
angry at hubris
angry at the tv
angry at pundits
angry at the lebanese
angry at the Israelis
angry at myself
angry at cowardice
angry at guilt
angry at the gods who have forsaken humanity
angry at THE MAN
angry at my career and work for boring me
angry at hypocrisy
angry at cigarettes for enslaving me
angry at alcohol for numbing me
angry at friends
angry at enemies
angry at stereotyping
angry at love for tormenting me
angry at growing up and being responsible
angry at learned helplessness
angry at my stranded brave old dog
angry at the sun trying to shine through my broken blinds
black fumes of anger cloud my brain and poison my soul
it is thick and heavy , suffocating and foul
will I ever be the same....

Friday, July 21, 2006

Dissociative Fugue


something struck me today, how little I have seen of lebanon...
for the first half of my life due to events quite similar to those happening now, my lebanon was a few blocks of ras beirut, with the occasional trip to the jabal, (my jabal that is)
ras beirut was what i thought all of lebanon was like...

then things got better, I grew older and didn't have time to explore lebanon.
weekends were spent partying and sleeping late
vacations travelling with friends to pass the summer

There never was a sense of urgency, lebanon is not going anywhere , it will always be there...

maybe we have taken lebanon for granted...maybe we have neglected it too much...

I hope it will stay there, next time you are in Lebanon take the time to smell the roses...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Why we fight?


the following was not actually written by me, I just compiled and paraphrased it...
(long read but interesting...I think)

1- war's causation must encroach into political philosophy and into discussions on a citizen's and a government's responsibility for a war.
(to what extent is the citizen morally responsible for war?), but with regards to war's causation, if man is responsible for the actual initiation of war it must be asked on whose authority is war enacted?
one may inquire who is the legal authority to declare war, then move to issues of whether that authority has or should have legitimacy.
For example, one may consider whether that authority reflects what 'the people' want (or should want), or whether the authority informs them of what they want (or should want). Are the masses easily swayed by the ideas of the élite, or do the élite ultimately pursue what the majority seeks?

2-Some claim war to be a product of man's inherited biology, theories include those that claim man to be naturally aggressive or naturally territorial, more complex analyses incorporate game theory and genetic evolution to explain the occurrence of violence and war. some accept that man's belligerent drives can be channeled into more peaceful pursuits some worry about man's lack of inherited inhibitions to fight with increasingly dangerous weapons and others claim the natural process of evolution will sustain peaceful modes of behavior over violent

3-Many who explain war's origins in man's abandonment of reason also derive their thoughts from Plato, who argues that "wars and revolutions and battles are due simply and solely to the body and its desires."
man's appetite perpetually overwhelms his reasoning capacity, which results in moral and political degeneration.
In Freud's on war ("Why War") in which he sees war's origins in the death instinct, or in Dostoyevsky's comments on man's inherent barbarity: " In every man, of course, a beast lies hidden-the beast of rage, the beast of lustful heat at the screams of the tortured victim, the beast of lawlessness let off the chain." (Brothers Karamazov, ii.V.4, "Rebellion")

4- Psychologists argue that human beings are inherently violent. While this violence is repressed in normal society it needs the occasional outlet provided by war. This combines with other notions, such as displacement where a person transfers their grievances into bias and hatred against other ethnic groups, nations, or ideologies

5-One alternative is to argue that war is only, or almost only, a male activity and if human leadership was in female hands wars would not occur. Critics, of course, point to various examples of female political leaders who had no qualms about using military force, such as Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi or Golda Meir

6-Other psychologists have argued that while human temperament allows wars to occur, they only do so when mentally unbalanced men are in control of a nation. This extreme school of thought argues leaders that seek war such as Napoleon, Hitler, and Stalin , and ?????, were mentally abnormal.

7-Evolutionary psychology tends to see war as an extension of animal behaviour, such as territoriality and competition. However, while war has a natural cause, the development of technology has accelerated human destructiveness to a level that is irrational and damaging to the species.
We have the same instincts of a chimpanzee but overwhelmingly more power

8-Anthropologists take a very different view of war. They see it as fundamentally cultural, learned by nurture rather than nature. Thus if human societies could be reformed, war would disappear. To this school the acceptance of war is inculcated into each of us by the religious, ideological, and nationalistic surroundings in which we live.

9-This theory argues that all wars are based on a lack of information.
If both sides at the outset knew the result neither would fight, the loser would merely surrender and avoid the cost in lives and infrastructure that a war would cause.
This is based on the notion that wars are reciprocal, that all wars require both a decision to attack and also a decision to resist attack.

10- AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST (the romantic answer):
Marxist theory of war, which argues that all war grows out of the class war.
It sees wars as imperial ventures to enhance the power of the ruling class and divide the proletariat of the world by pitting them against each other for contrived ideals such as nationalism or religion. Wars are a natural outgrowth of the free market and class system, and will not disappear until a world revolution occurs.

which one applies to us?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

يا ست الدنيا يا بيروت



نزار قباني
يا ست الدنيا يا بيروت
1
يا ستَّ الدنيا يا بيروتْ...
مَنْ باعَ أسواركِ المشغولةَ بالياقوتْ؟
من صادَ خاتمكِ السّحريَّ،
وقصَّ ضفائركِ الذهبيّهْ؟
من ذبحَ الفرحَ النائمَ في عينيكِ الخضرواينْ؟
من شطبَ وجهكِ بالسّكّين،
وألقى ماءَ النارِ على شفتيكِ الرائعتينْ؟
من سمّمَ ماءَ البحرِ، ورشَّ الحقدَ على الشطآنِ الورديّهْ؟
ها نحنُ أتينا.. معتذرينَ.. ومعترفينْ
أنّا أطلقنا النارَ عليكِ بروحٍ قبليّهْ..
فقتلنا امرأة.. كانت تُدعى (الحريّهْ)...
2
ماذا نتكلّمُ يا بيروتْ..
وفي عينيكِ خلاصةُ حزنِ البشريّهْ
وعلى نهديكِ المحترقين.. رمادُ الحربِ الأهليّهْ
ماذا نتكلّمُ يا مروحةَ الصّيفِ، ويا وردتَهُ الجوريّهْ؟
من كانَ يفكّر أن نتلاقى - يا بيروتُ - وأنتِ خرابْ؟
من كانَ يفكّر أن تنمو للوردةِ آلافُ الأنيابْ؟
من كانَ يفكّر أنَّ العينَ تقاتلُ في يومٍ ضدَّ الأهدابْ؟
ماذا نتكلّم يا لؤلؤتي؟
يا سنبلتي..
يا أقلامي..
يا أحلامي..
يا أوراقي الشعريّهْ..
من أينَ أتتكِ القسوةُ يا بيروتْ،
وكنتِ برقّةِ حوريّهْ؟
لا أفهمُ كيف انقلبَ العصفورُ الدوريُّ..
لقطّةِ ليلٍ وحشيّهْ..
لا أفهمُ أبداً يا بيروتْ
لا أفهمُ كيف نسيتِ اللهَ..
وعُدتِ لعصرِ الوثنيّهْ..
3
قومي من تحتِ الموجِ الأزرقِ، يا عِشتارْ
قومي كقصيدةِ وردٍ ..
أو قومي كقصيدةِ نارْ
لا يوجدُ قبلكِ شيءٌ.. بعدكِ شيءٌ.. مثلكِ شيءٌ..
أنتِ خلاصاتُ الأعمارْ..
يا حقل اللؤلؤِ..
يا ميناءَ العشقِ..
ويا طاووسَ الماءْ..
قومي من أجلِ الحبِّ، ومن أجلِ الشّعراءْ
قومي من أجل الخبزِ، ومن أجلِ الفقراءْ
الحبُّ يريدكِ.. يا أحلى الملكاتْ..
والربُّ يريدكِ.. يا أحلى الملكاتْ..
ها أنتِ دفعتِ ضريبةَ حسنكِ مثل جميعِ الحسناواتْ
ودفعتِ الجزيةَ عن كلِّ الكلماتْ..
4
قومي من نومكِ..
يا سُلطانةُ، يا نوَّارةُ، يا قنديلاً مشتعلاً في القلبْ
قومي كي يبقى العالمُ يا بيروتْ..
ونبقى نحنُ..
ويبقى الحبّْ...
قومي..
يا أحلى لؤلؤةٍ أهداها البحرْ
الآن عرفنا ما معنى ..
أن نقتلَ عصفوراً في الفجرْ
الآنَ عرفنا ما معنى ..
أن ندلقَ فوقَ سماءِ الصّيفِ زجاجةَ حبرْ
الآن عرفنا ..
أنّا كُنّا ضدَّ اللهِ .. وضدَّ الشّعرْ ..
5
يا ستَّ الدنيا يا بيروتْ ..
يا حيثُ الوعدُ الأوّلُ .. والحبُّ الأوّلُ ..
يا حيثُ كتبنا الشعرَ ..
وخبّأناه بأكياسِ المُخملْ ..
نعترفُ الآنَ .. بأنّا كُنّا يا بيروتُ،
نُحبّكِ كالبدوِ الرُحّلْ ..
ونُمارسُ فعلَ الحبِّ .. تماماً
كالبدوِ الرُحَّلْ ...
نعترفُ الآنَ .. بأنَّكِ كُنتِ خليلتنا
نأوي لفراشكِ طولَ اللّيل ...
وعندَ الفجرِ، نهاجرُ كالبدوِ الرُحَّلْ
نعترفُ الآنَ .. بأنّا كُنّا أميّينَ ..
وكُنّا نجهلُ ما نفعلْ ..
نعترفُ الآنَ، بأنّا كُنّا مِن بينِ القَتَلَهْ ..
ورأينا رأسكِ ..
يسقطُ تحتَ صخورِ الرَوْشَةِ كالعصفورْ
نعترفُ الآنَ ..
بأنّا كُنّا - ساعةَ نُفِّذَ فيكِ الحُكمُ -
شهودَ الزورْ ..
6
نعترفُ أمامَ اللهِ الواحدِ ..
أنّا كُنّا منكِ نغارُ ..
وكانَ جمالكِ يؤذينا ..
نعترفُ الآنَ ..
بأنّا لم ننصفْكِ .. ولم نعذُرْكِ .. ولم نفهمْكِ ..
وأهديناكِ مكانَ الوردةِ سِكّينا ...
نعترفُ أمامَ اللهِ العادلِ ...
أنّا راودناكِ ..
وعاشرناكِ ..
وضاجعناكِ ..
وحمّلناكِ معاصينا ..
يا ستَّ الدنيا، إن الدنيا بعدكِ ليستْ تكفينا ..
الآنَ عرفنا .. أنَّ جذوركِ ضاربةٌ فينا ..
الآنَ عرفنا .. ماذا اقترفتْ أيدينا ..
7
اللهُ .. يفتّشُ في خارطةِ الجنّةِ عن لُبنانْ
والبحرُ يفتّشُ في دفترهِ الأزرقِ عن لُبنانْ
والقمرُ الأخضرُ ..
عادَ أخيراً كي يتزوّجَ من لُبنانْ ..
أعطيني كفّكِ يا جوهرةَ اللّيلِ، وزنبقةَ البلدانْ
نعترفُ الآنَ ..
بأنّا كُنّا ساديّينَ، ودمويّينَ ..
وكُنّا وكلاءَ الشيطانْ
يا ستَّ الدنيا يا بيروتْ ..
قومي من تحتِ الرَدمِ، كزهرةِ لوزٍ في نيسانْ
قومي من حُزنكِ ..
إنَّ الثورةَ تولدُ من رحمِ الأحزانْ
قومي أكراماً للغاباتِ ..
وللأنهارِ ..
وللوديانِ ..
قومي إكراماً للإنسانْ ..
إنّا أخطأنا يا بيروتُ ..
وجئنا نلتمسُ الغفرانْ ..
8
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ يا بيروتُ المجنونهْ ..
يا نهرَ دماءٍ وجواهرْ ..
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ يا بيروتُ القلبِ الطيّبِ ..
يا بيروتُ الفوضى ..
يا بيروتُ الجوعِ الكافرِ .. والشّبعِ الكافرِ ..
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ يا بيروتُ العدلِ ..
ويا بيروتُ الظلمِ ..
ويا بيروتُ السّبْيِ ..
ويا بيروتُ القاتلِ والشاعرْ ..
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ يا بيروتُ العشقِ ..
ويا بيروتُ الذبحِ من الشّريانِ إلى الشّريانْ ..
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ رغمَ حماقاتِ الإنسانْ
ما زلتُ أحبُّكِ يا بيروتُ ..
لماذا لا نبتدئُ الآنْ؟

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

عروبة وحلوى ووهم الكرامة المهدورة


preparing another generation of arabs to waste their lives

Aslong as we do not learn to value our lives and those of our children and not to be willing to sacrifice them on the Jaheleya days' alters of honor and revenge....

Aslong as we glorify martyrdom, death, and stubborness in the face of certain self destruction...
no one will value our lives...

so stop looking for the world to stop what is happening to us, and do something about it...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Khalas, Enough!


Plan to end this fiasco:
1- Hizb of Death hands over the 2 soldiers to UN
2- Israel stops bombing Lebanon
3- Hizb hands over rockets and all weapons to Lebanese army
4- Lebanese Army takes control over all of Lebanon
5- Israel releases Lebanese prisoners as a gesture of good will
6- Lebanon is saved from certain destruction

Pity the Nation



nothing to say anymore...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Malignant Narcissism






Nero (64 AD, burned ROME)
Nasrallah (2006 AD, burned BEIRUT)

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

How to destroy your own country


Today I woke up and read the news.

In a way I was not surprised.

If you want to destroy your country , what better than to provoke the meanest, baddest, biggest kid on the block into doing it for you.

Shame on Hezbollah and its leader, into dragging Lebanon and its people into this fiasco. If they are on a suicidal death mission the rest of the Lebanese are not.
What right do they have to take these irresponsible an dangerous action an expose Lebanon to the devastating effects of Israeli retaliation.

Mr nasrallah thank you for liberating Lebanon, but you are not the master of Lebanon , regardless of what you or your supporters think. Lebanon is for all Lebanese it is not yours to throw away or cause it to burn , because of your ideological beliefs, or maybe bravado.
Who will repair the damage, who will pay for it. Can Lebanon take on more loans ?
who will protect the innocent civilians who will be bombed from the sky. You might not care because you are in your fortified bunker underground somewhere in haret hriek.
Maybe you don't care , maybe impressing Iran and Syria and getting their praise is enough satisfaction for you.

Enough of this let us move on, let us live and prosper and flourish.

You know maybe you just need to chill out and enjoy life a little.
Have a drink , maybe smoke a joint.
But enough of this travesty, enough of this sado-masochism your are inflicting on Lebanon and the Lebanese.
Remember this is not your country alone, and it will never be, and stop being holier than thou.
Isn't achieving peace a quicker and easier and less painfull way of liberating Lebanese prisoners?
Do not worry people might still like you, you will not be less popular and magnificent if you stop being a mighty warrior-priest-sheikh.

Yalla think about this , and maybe go have that drink...

pic from reuters escape air raids lebanese style

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Lebanese Asshole

A true lebanese asshole...
check him out
http://www.almustaqbal.com/stories.aspx?StoryID=187125

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Let your name live on forever and get arabs to space




Send your name to the asteroid belt on the Dawn spacecraft. Your name will be recorded onto a microchip that will be placed aboard the spacecraft accompanying it on its mission to the asteroid belt.
click below to send ur name

http://dawn.jpl.nasa.gov/DawnCommunity/Sendname2asteroid/index_asteroid_blt.aspx